Our bodies, our orgasms, our toys. Masturbation has shifted the pleasure paradigm for women and we couldn’t be happier. Limiting toy use to solo play however might make us miss out on all kinds of fun we could be having with a partner.

Man vs toy: are guys actually intimidated by vibrators?

The emasculating vibrator: a myth?

For those of us involved in sexual relationships with the opposite sex, the matter of how to even talk about toys has probably reared its obsolete head on one or more occasions. We might be ashamed to even bring it up for a number of reasons, from societal taboos around female masturbation to fearing our go-to toy might be perceived as some form of competition. Studies conducted over the past few years suggest this is a non-problem. Researchers at Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion surveyed people between the ages of 18 and 60 and found that while 37 percent of women agreed or strongly agreed with the statement that vibrators are intimidating to their partners, 70 percent of men disagreed or strongly disagreed with the same statement.

How to handle a somewhat reluctant partner

Evidence and experience still show that not all men are feeling the good vibes. But all hope is not lost, and there are ways in which you can win them over. Having an open conversation is a great place to start; anyone who isn’t willing to hear might not be the kind of partner you want to get in bed with. Once the topic has been broached, you may want to introduce your partner to your toy so that they can understand for themselves just how it works and why masturbation with a toy is credited with helping bridge the pleasure gap.

A few suggestions to use a sex toy with an insecure partner

Pick a non-phallic shape

The current sexual revolution has brought a whole new level of deconstruction to the table. Just like we have moved past thinking of penetration as the main event, so have we evolved beyond phallic toys. Since a toy is supposed to act in ways a penis wouldn’t, why try to replicate its shape? A safe and easy bet is a simple pebble shape, or even better, a petal much like our Yumi.

Let them use it on you…

A toy is designed to maximise your pleasure, but much like any other tool, it doesn’t operate itself; when masturbating, your pleasure is still very much in your own hands. Use that train of thought to involve your partner in your orgasm routine: rather than using it on yourself and inviting them to watch, let them use it on you. In that way, they will still be in charge of your orgasm, albeit in a more selfless, and potentially more efficient, way.

… and suggest using it on/with them

There is so much your toy can do beyond helping you achieve memorable orgasms. If the vibration patterns work wonders on you, there is no reason why they shouldn’t work on your partner as well. If penetration isn’t on the cards, why not use and experiment on other erogenous zones, be it a nipple, a perineum or whatever body part will truly get them going. Newly added to our range, Yvie is the ideal toy to introduce a partner, however reluctant, to sex toy magic. Its C-shape was especially designed to be used together during intercourse, while its soft hue and organic shape ensure it doesn’t intimidate. Added bonus: it comes with a remote. Intrigued? Get yours here, and don’t forget to share your experience in our DMs (@y__spot), we would love to hear your feedback!