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Single and satisfied: rethinking sex in a couple-centric world

In a society where “couple culture” still reigns supreme, exploring sex as a single person can open up a world of possibilities.

By Giada | 11 November 2021
Asa Ariyoshi
Asa Ariyoshi

From Bridget Jones to Disney classics, our world is all about couple -centric culture. How can we possibly have a satisfying sex life as a single person?

“Are you seeing anyone?” Overcoming society’s couple-centric obsessions

Love, and worrying about finding it, can feel highly oppressive. We have all had to answer questions about our relationship status and romantic life at one point or another.

Being in love means taking risks and breaking free from antiquated moulds, but that is seldom a topic at the dinner table. Let us remind ourselves there isn’t just one kind of love, although common representations almost exclusively revolved around the romantic, monogamous, straight kind inhabited by able bodies.

There is the unconditional love, one that sometimes ties family members together. Unconditional love is built on admiration, although one might question it, wondering if they deserve to be the recipient of such strong feelings. That is besides the point however: it isn’t the kind of love that needs to be earned, it just exists regardless of everything else.

Romantic love is a different beast and we might very easily feel rather cynical about it all. When we stop believing in love, what is it actually about: lack of trust in people, in love or in ourselves?

Sex and the single person: variations on pleasure

There are still a number of biases around sex as a single person.

Being single might feel like a stigma. Not having a romantic or sexual partner hardly makes us undesirable or failures. Actually understanding it requires for us to be honest with ourselves, allowing to be vulnerable and open our minds to alternative ways to find and experience love.

We need to deconstruct our takes on sex and sex as a single person. Simply talking about it can help us overcome prejudice and expanding our horizons.

Romantic love, monogamy, polyamory, friends with benefits, ace…

You might be surprised just how many types of love are actually out there.

The biggest shift needs to come from ourselves, aka we need to stop judging. There is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to how we should lead our sex lives; understanding what truly works for us might not be a straightforward journey but it will be worth it in the end.

Just because something is occasional doesn’t mean we cannot be affectionate and passionate. Keeping people at a distance doesn’t mean things need to be unpleasant on an emotional level.

Beyond the couple-centric mindset: embracing single life

There are as many ways to be single as there are single polpe but here are a few general considerations that might prove helpful:

  • Stop worrying: it might be annoying to hear but things do happen when you least expect them.
  • If you’re concerned you might never find love, look around you. Love is most probably there in some form or other. Remember to think outside the relationship box.

Whether you are single by choice or not, enjoy it as an opportunity to understand who you are and what you actually expect from a relationship, whatever it might look like.

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